Egg

I was once instructed not to put all my eggs in one basket.

Why not? Well, if you lose the handle of the basket then you have a bunch of broken eggs which is not good unless you were planning on making an omelette and drop them near a stove. I suppose you could have a separate basket for each egg but that may get out of hand pretty quick. Even a dozen eggs would require 12 separate recepticles which would be pretty hard to manage and carry and you would wind up dropping some of them anyway. Common sense wins out by putting 12 eggs in a carton. But I've seen mega-cartons with 18 eggs in them and I consider that pushing the damn envelope pretty far.

I know a person who raises about 50 chickens and she just walks out and gathers a few eggs each day, does the carton thing and then puts them in a refrigerator. Unfortunately, her toddler son walks around the coop and doesn't change shoes or follow hygiene prompts and he contracted some kind of chicken virus which led to the health department making a visit to the property which then in turn caused the township to send letters basically indicating that it is pretty fucking stupid to be raising chickens in a suburb. Especially when the roosters crow before dawn pissing off the neighbors who own $180,000 houses and have no interest in pretending to live next door to a bed and breakfast/petting zoo.

But unfertilzed chicken embryos- aka - "eggs" refuse to be erased from our culture. We eat them strait in a variety of forms from raw to scrambled, add them to all sorts of stuff (salads, cakes, even meat loaf) , and university students and team building assholes still try and engineer the perfect protective cocoon for them. "Egg on your face" , "Egg him on", " Walking on egg shells"and the most significant quandary ever of " Which came first? The chicken or the egg?" all still apply. Although the above question may seem intriguing, the correct answer of one celled viruses really does destroy any further philosophical debate.

So I conclude the following: adore the egg. Make it your False God and Ovum Idol. Put 164 in a basket, let them spill out, break and cover the earth with yolky goodness. Throw them at teachers you hate, cheating boyfriends, whorish coaches who leave town and any other person who needs to be taught a god damn lesson. If the recipe calls for 2 eggs--fucking double it and throw in 4. Collect crystal Faberge eggs and cheap plastic egg timers. Buy one of those silver egg slicers, put a string of beads on it and wear it as a necklace or better yet, give one as a wedding present. Everyone should respect the egg.

Picture guide: Michelle aka "Cheeze" designing the rare Jim Beam egg.